If the pandemic taught us one thing, it's that no one actually wants to wear pants.
Here are 14 jobs you could land that will not overstep your new clothing boundaries.
14 Post-Pandemic Career Options for Those Who Now Eschew Pants
Written by Sheri Radford
1. Judge. Sure, becoming a judge requires a law degree and several years of experience as a lawyer locking up perps, but then the sweet, sweet freedom of wearing a robe makes it all worthwhile. No one knows what’s going on under that robe. It’s your little secret. Banging a gavel looks like fun, too.
2. Hula dancer. Swivel your hips in the freedom of a grass skirt. Swivel whatever you’ve got, boss.
3. Sumo wrestler. You can bid farewell to pants when you don a mawashi (loincloth) and jump into the sumo wrestling ring. You can also bid farewell to laundry, because washing a mawashi is believed to wash away good luck. And apologies to my fellow women, but ladies aren’t allowed to even enter the sumo ring. Stinky dudes, you’re on your own.
4. Priest. If you enjoy wearing a robe and you dream of one day exorcising a demon from a possessed child who levitates and speaks in tongues, then join the priesthood. Bonus: endless sacramental wine.
5. Monk. Yes, you have to give up worldly possessions to become a monk, but you also get to give up pants. You might even find spiritual enlightenment. Or something.
6. Geisha. If you happen to be a Japanese woman who loves singing, dancing, serving tea and wearing elaborate hairstyles and makeup, then becoming a geisha just might be the career for you. Pro: no pants. Con: lots of drunk businessmen.
7. Lovable children’s character. Winnie the Pooh and Donald Duck never have to suffer the indignity of wearing pants, and they get to star in countless books, movies and TV shows for kids, so why not you? Get a cute shirt and let it all hang.
8. Saudi prince. Say hello to thawbs (robes) and an immense fortune as a Saudi prince. Unfortunately, the only way into this career is, apparently, to be born into it.
9. Nun. How do you solve a problem like…pants? By becoming a nun and wearing a habit all day. You do, however, have to swear vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. Seems like a fair trade for flouting the law of wearing pants.
10. Extra in sword-and-sandals epics. Hollywood never tires of movies about gladiators and ancient Rome, so don your best tunic and toga, toss out your pants, and spend the rest of your life trying to spot a glimpse of yourself in the background on the silver screen.
11. Bagpiper. The bagpipes aren’t an easy instrument to master, and they certainly don’t make you popular at parties, but learning how to play them means saying hello to kilts and goodbye to pants (and farewell to underwear).
12. Stripper. Bid adieu to pants—and all your other clothes—slowly, and set to music, as a stripper. Bonus: you’ll never run short of small bills again.
13. Porn star. If you despise pants but love wild stories about pizza delivery guys who get the surprise of a lifetime, then this might be the career for you.
14. Undraped life drawing model. Art studios are usually pretty chilly, and a bunch of wannabe artists spend the whole time staring at your naked body, but it’s a small price to pay to escape the tyranny of pants. Don’t worry if there’s not much for anyone to see, because it’s all about helping creatives learn their craft, right?