Article and art by: Bob Eckstein
A 3-Hour Pitch, A 3-Hour Pitch:
The Selling of CSI Gilligan’s Island
With reboots of shows like Magnum P.I. Fantasy Island, Night Court, and now Frasier, it’s time for the reboot we’ve all been waiting for, Gilligan’s Island.
The classic ‘60s sitcom has been the subject of reboot rumors for years but finally this new vision catches up with the times and is sure to be a hit again.
This time around, it’s a one-hour crime drama series called CSI Gilligan’s Island and the island is controlled by a Colombian drug-lord. The stories will come right off today’s headlines.
Mary Ann Summers
Billionaire Thurston Howell, III
Mrs. Lovely Howell
Sergeant Odafin “Fin” Tutuola
Griselda Santacruz Herrera Escobar
The Harlem Globetrotters as themselves
Season 1 | Episode 1
When Ginger is voted off the island, she demands a recount and an extremist group attempts to overtake the island. Sergeant Fin gives them an education in US law enforcement. The Professor is indicted for providing the radical group with hand-grenade made out of coconuts.
“There’s No Business Like No Means No”
Mr Howell produces a play to cheer up Ginger, but only makes things worse when she exposes his casting couch to the Feds. Scarface, the Musical is canceled after opening night.
“Hunters & Gathers & Contractors”
While hunting for wild berries, Gilligan finds classified documents. The Skipper and Griselda engage in a Twitter war; the castaways hire a qualified, licensed builder through Angie to fix the boat, but after one day, he never shows up again.
“The Crying Game”
Griselda’s men come and torture Gilligan who is taken out to sea and left for dead. Mary Ann bakes a banana bread; Ginger reveals a huge surprise to the Professor and they disappear together for two days.
“Sea Shells and Elbows”
Something’s fishy when body parts begin washing up on shore. The Professor pieces them together and using AI technology, trains a personal robot to kill the Skipper. Mary Ann wonders if she left the oven on back home.
A Disney Cruise Line arrives but is hi-hacked by the island’s drug-lords. In a hostage situation, the demand for the release of the 3,800 passengers is banana bread and a full-body massage from Ginger. Two parter.
“You Are Served”
FBI arrive on island and Thurston Howell is arrested on the attempted murder of his wife, Lovely. Gilligan is hit on the head by a serve during the island’s pickleball championships and wakes thinking she is finance expert Suze Orman.
“A Star Is Born”
Using two coconuts and parts from the Minnow’s radio, the Professor makes a meth lab and regains power over Escobar. Ginger works on her audition tape for America’s Got No Talent.
“Men At Twerk”
Everyone signs up for twerking classes and go viral on TikTok. Carrot Top drops by, making the castaways question why they get Amazon deliveries yet can’t get off the island.