By Robert Theodore Eckstein
No area of publishing is growing faster, or easier to write, than blurb-writing, the pickleball of publishing.
With more than three million self-published books coming out a year, that’s over three million opportunities for blurb writers.
This fact is not lost on The Brimfield Blurbs Academy.
“Finally, a way to make money in publishing,” blurbs Brimfield student David Florence Weyant.
“With minimal writing or reading! You learn from award-winning blurbers blurb-writing secrets, like calling every book a must-read without any intention of reading it yourself. I couldn’t put it down.”
All their 30-minute classes are done the way writing should be; in your pajamas from the comfort of your own home with a trillion other things going on at the same time, not the least being my cat walking across my keyboard, cooking something that really needed my full-attention and my kids blaring the TV in the background with Casey crying her head off.
Luckily, their class, No Focus, No Problem taught me how to soldier on and write blurbs with zero focus. It’s me who’s crying now, crying tears of joy, making more money on back covers, than on the back end of my own books.
Theirs is the only two-weekend graduate program that includes valuable study sheets of keywords used in every blurb in publishing and essential courses like, How Any Piece-Of-Crap Is a Page-Turning Piece of Literature and Cheesy Puns. You will walk out of the Brimfield Blurb Academy (not literally, because you’re on Zoom), with ass-kissing down to a science—a Bachelor of Science!
“Yep, when you leave B.B.A., you leave with a B.A. in B.S.,” says Brimfield Blurbs Academy President, Arnold Francis Geoffrey. “We at B.B.A. know authors have no idea who you are nor where in God’s heavens they are going to get any blurbs. As a Brimfield student, you automatically become a bestseller and we will work with you to make your blurb credit the most impressive it can it be, attracting writers to ask you for blurbs. Suddenly you will have finished your unfinished manuscripts you have stashed away somewhere that, realistically, we both know were never going to see the light of day. Your dreams will finally be realized through blurbs because, seriously, no one checks. That’s our promise to you.”
Hear what former students say about Brimfield (“all of which did so well they’re retired so don’t bother trying to look them up”);
“POWERFUL! Exquisitely crafted life-affirming transformation of a course…I would recommend this class to every single being on the planet!”—Bestseller, Michael Victor Jansen, Eat Pray Pickleball
“I cannot recommend the CAPS & EXCLAMATIONS!! class enough but now I know how—with plenty of exclamation marks and CAPS!”—Bestseller Lester Wallace Freudlick, III. I Mean What I Say!
“Hollow Praise For Books You Can’t Stand!!! and Sound Smarter; Elongate Your Name are the most joyful courses ever. Your possibilities are only limited by your imagination, at least it is, or was, for mine!. I became a better, concise writer and now use proper blurb cadence to create, wait for it…cliffhangers.”—Chester “Chuck” Lloyd Simmons MacDuggal, Life Hacks for Dogs, #1 in Canadian New Releases
“This program is a must. It used to take a month to write a two-sentence blurb and now I’m writing 30 blurbs a day…and doing less reading. BRAVO, BRIMFIELD!”—USA Today reader and bestseller, Dr. Allison Robyn Lynn Katz, Dyslexic Peruvian Horses
“WOW! WOWSIE, WOW WOW!!!”—Bestseller, Professor Maxwell A.D.H.D. Fri
edman,Your Inner Voice, Your Outer Garments
The final word is from Brimfield Blurbs Academy President, Arnold Francis Geoffrey; “So what are you waiting for? Enroll today and begin your career in the oldest profession in the world, ass-kissing. Don’t believe me—read what others were saying.”
Bob Eckstein is a NY Times bestseller and editor of The Bob. His new book is The Complete Book of Cat Names (That Your Cat Won't Answer to, Anyway).