Predictions For the 2054 NFL Season

By Bob Eckstein and R.D. Rosen


Artwork by Bob Eckstein


Every prognosticator with a microphone or blog is parading out their picks for the upcoming 2022 NFL season. 


Child’s play. 


Here are my predictions for the 2054 NFL season:

 

NFC North

Team

Wins

Losses

Green Bay Heat Wave

19

5

Minnesota Pickleballers

14

10

Detroit Downsize

11

13

Chicago Extinct Bears 

11

13

Silicon Valley Cyborgs

4

20

 

The Green Bay Heat Wave should repeat again in the division that has the highest ratio of humans to robots, if they don’t lose too many players again to space travel or erotic asphyxiation.

 

NFC South

Team

Wins

Losses

Atlanta Real Housewives

19

5

Houston Moon Shuttles

18

6

Tampa Bay Submariners 

12

12

New Orleans Evacuators

9

15

Carolina Kardashians 

4

20

 

There are a lot of offensive teams in this division and climate change has the most of the division’s venues underwater and playing their home games once again on Zoom, but the Real Housewives of Atlanta are the real deal. 

 

NFC West

Team

Wins

Losses

San Francisco LGBTQIAWPMs

23

1

Seattle Selfies

15

9

Los Angeles Botox 

6

18

Oakland Quiet Quitters

5

19

 

The Los Angeles Botox can’t catch a break as their new stadium on stilts got wiped out during the off season by the Great Earthquake of 2053.

 

NFC Europe

Team

Wins

Losses

Barcelona ExPats

23

1

London Queens

3

21

NATO  Greenhorns

3

21

Paris Angry Mimes

2

22

Vatican City Predators

0

24

 

The Angry Mimes won’t be doing their hysterical touchdown dances enough to overcome the ExPats in a division that leads the league in penalties because nobody knows the rules. Tom Brady claims this is his last season so expect him wanting to go out winning his 24th straight Super Bowl. 

 

NFC East

Team

Wins

Losses

The New York Anti-Defamation League

21

3

Philadelphia Philibusters 

20

4

Dallas Drones

19

5

The Football Team Formerly Known as the Washington Woke

16

8

Sydney Kangaroos

0

24

 

This division has been ravished by political correctness and ligation, but this year we give the nod to New York and its rookie sensation Alianna Manning, Peyton’s great-granddaughter.

 

NFC Cuckoo Land

Team

Wins

Losses 

Nashville Glaciers

20

4

Tennessee Twerkers 

15

9

Cincinnati Concussions

11

13

Arizona Assault Weapons

8

16

Florida Sh*tstorm

6

18

 

The expansion team Glaciers got their pick of the best players from the defunct AFL and correctional center draft. The only thing that could knock down the Glaciers is that five of their starters will be slowed down by ankle bracelets. 


PS - Bob Eckstein's new book is now available for purchase! Buy The Complete Book of Cat Names (That Your Cat Won't Answer to, Anyway) here now.



https://www.blcomedy.com/events/pure-fun-comedy-2022-09-30193000https://www.blcomedy.com/events/punchline-w-lauren-compton-2https://www.blcomedy.com/events/road-dogshttps://www.blcomedy.com/events/what-s-the-worst-that-can-happen-a-crowd-work-show-5https://www.blcomedy.com/events/adulting-a-comedy-show-2https://www.blcomedy.com/events/solid-comedy-show-with-deric-poston-and-ehsan-ahmad-2022-08-282107268054https://www.blcomedy.com/events/deric-poston-live-in-the-red-roomhttps://www.blcomedy.com/events/pure-fun-comedy-2022-10-15193000https://www.blcomedy.com/events/freshly-waxed-a-comedy-show
Want to get access to upcoming live comedy shows before anyone else does? Join our VIP list to get first picks on tickets and surprise discounts.