There’s nothing purer in this world than setting aside eight or nine hours on a Friday night to eat an entire box of Benadryl. When I was a teenager, we called this the ole One-Man Press Conference.
“You, sir, do you have any questions?”
“Yes, thank you. I’m Steve Bagmen, Miami Herald. Have you ever considered µæÎÓ§???£?”
Then your mom walks in and finds you talking to your coat hangers again. Between the clear spiders bleeding out of the cracks in your walls and the heartfelt conversations you have with The Forgotten Ones, it’s safe to say Benadryl puts the “fun” in “delirium arrhythmia.”
But you know what, now that I think about it, I know one thing that’s better than hanging out on a dead planet and decrypting ancient texts with The Hat Man: bigass laughs.
That’s right, folks, the comedy rivers have overflown, and your family is in danger of losing the whole damn giggle ranch. So why don’t you buckle in, pump some charcoal into that stomach, and get ready for all the comedy news you need to know this week.
Watch Episode #005 of Thank You For the News Here:
Another Texan comedian has risen above and beyond to make us all proud to call this state home (except for all the racism stuff here, the reproductive rights issues, the rampant execution of innocent people on death row, and the Dallas Cowboys).
While Sheng Wang was born in Taiwan, he was raised in Houston, and it looks like he’s not afraid to return to his roots. Sheng Wang and I bombed at Secret Group about a month ago.
And the rumors are true. I set a personal record of unplugging the microphone three times throughout my 20-minute set.
Fool me once. I tripped over the cord. Fool me twice. Maybe I should slow down a little bit. Fool me three times. I genuinely think I have dementia.
With his debut special “Sweet & Juicy,” Sheng Wang has reached the pinnacle of the standup world, and his achievement is made all the sweeter when you know his success is the cumulation of years of hard work and years of being on the edge of stardom.
Wang’s first 30-minute special was released on Comedy Central way back in 2011, followed by a trip to the finals of Last Comic Standing in 2015. With the special garnering an impressive 100% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes, it would be no surprise to see Wang’s trademark laid-back delivery on our TV screens for years to come, and we couldn’t be happier for him.
Watch some of Sheng Wang's standup comedy here:
In the open mic circuit, we call Nick Roche “the high blood pressure of the Austin comedy scene,” because he truly is the silent killer.
Don’t get me wrong, he’ll crack a joke or two under his breath if he catches you bombing at The Lucky Duck, but he’s not the type of guy to rob a bank wearing a mask of your face, so you get a mandatory minimum 15-year sentence.
Do you understand what I’m trying to say? I’m not sure that I do.
Let’s try this instead: Nick Roche is not only a great standup comedian, but he is also a good dude and a phenomenal roaster.
During my time in Austin, I have judged roast battles, won roast battles, and lord knows I have lost roast battles.
But hey, if a .500 record would get you into the MLB hall of fame, you might as well call me Big Bombs McGill. My point is that Nick Roche stands tall as a blossoming flower in the fertile soil of the Austin battle scene.
Since its very inception, Nick has been torching every opponent to cross his path in the Austin Roast League. And for someone with the type of forehead that would classify as pro-communist propaganda in the 1950s, that’s saying something.
On Saturday, September 3rd, the result was no different. Nick Roche took home the undercard roast battle championship after taking down one of his most formidable opponents.
When the dust finally settled, and I began roasting Mike Eaton in the main event, I couldn’t help but feel a little silly. I didn’t feel silly because half my roasts depended on me pulling bags of rubies out of my pockets, and I like shit like that. I felt silly because I knew that block-headed bastard had already put on the best show any respectable roaster could have dreamed of.
Nick, if you’re reading this, keep roasting. And most importantly: keep your eyes glued to the stars, you wild stallion. We’re all rooting for you.
Meet Nick Roche on the Hans Kim Podcast:
By design, Kill Tony is a bloodbath of one-liners that make even the toughest road dog head back to Billings, Montana with their drink tickets tucked between their legs – but that’s also the beauty of it. You might walk out with a medal of honor when you head into a war zone.
I know for me; the Kill Tony guys have changed my life – and I am not alone. Up-and-coming names like Hans Kim, William Montgomery, and David Lucas all got their big break from Kill Tony and dozens upon dozens of Austin comedians who have their moment in the limelight every Monday at 8 p.m.
This show is a big reason why Austin is such a magical place to live, and no episode showcases the pain and glory of standup comedy like episode #574, released this past Monday.
Joe Rogan, Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir roasted, toasted, and ghosted their way through some of the scene’s most notorious laff-guzzlers. The Four Horsemen of the Laughpocalypse came to play and did not let up until the lights fell.
Whether it was telling Winston Shaw his lips look like a glory hole or telling Molly Vivent a series of things we cannot repeat here, the drinks were flowing, and the faces were glowing as the dream-weavers met the dream-chasers on the grandest stage of them all.
Winston got a well-deserved trip to Secret Show, Molly came out looking like her hero, and all was well on the Eastern Front. Seeing all these juggernauts on one stage was indeed a sight to behold, and hopefully, it is something we will see a lot more of with the opening of Rogan’s club on the horizon.
Check out episodde #574 of Kill Tony here:
Well, that is enough giggles for this week, gang.
As always, you know where to find us if you hear some comedy news you want to see featured (whether it’s happening in Austin or the world at large).
Until then, I have a bottle of nutmeg that needs eating and a Japanese horror movie that needs translating. Stay sweet, my pretties.